Monday, July 30, 2012
West Ham Closing in on Andy Carroll
West Ham United has agreed with Liverpool on a 2m loan fee with 17m purchase option at the end of the season for striker Andy Carroll. The player has yet to accept the move.
Lochte Bombs USA Relay
USA was hella lucky to get the silver medal given the way Lochte cracked in the last 25 meters. Just shot the fuck off the block like a torpedo and had nothing left to finish the job. Rookie move. Shootin' your load in the first 15 seconds. Gave it away to the French.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I'm So All Over The Games of The Thirtieth Olympiad
I'm kicking these games in the teeth so far. Hard-hitting, extensive coverage. What should you be watching on the Olympics right now? Brazil v. Belarus men's soccer. Great Britain v. UAE in soccer, too. And any of the men's tennis tournament is worth watching.
Bubbles Dominates Opening Ceremonies
"Bubbles" the beloved song of West Ham United Football Club was featured prominently in the opening ceremonies of the thirtieth Olympiad. I don't think any other clubs had a billion people hear their anthem during the Olympics. Irons 'til I Die!
USA vs. The Surrender Monkeys (France)
Team USA opened their Olympic campaign with an easy victory over France. The final score was 98-71. Kevin Durant was game MVP.
Jerks at Olympics Won't Let Lochte do the Lochte
Way to rain on the parade, guys. Give it a rest. Haters gonna hate, Lochte gotta Lochte baby! USA!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Two Wimbledons Are Better Than One
I was just thinking how nice it is to have two Wimbledons this year. We are really, really, really lucky to have this.
Berdych Upset by Darcis
Tomas Berdych lost in straight sets to Beligian Steve Darcis. Berdych was a favorite of many to make a run to the gold medal match and possibly win the tournament. This opens up Federer's half of the draw immensely.
McHale, Harrison Eliminated
Christina McHale and Ryan Harrison were eliminated in the first round of the singles tournament.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Indonesian Zoos are Crap
A zoo in Indonesia has sent a female Orangutan to a jungle island in the middle of a lake to get her to quit smoking. Staff at the zoo claim she picked up the habit by picking up cigarette butts that were flicked at her.
Now zoos in southeast Asia aren't and never have been known for their humane methods. If you walk into one, you pretty much know what you're getting into. Par for the course would be a dead hippo floating in a pool, tigers sedated with massive doses of special K and at least a few Orangutans ripping darts. What you have to understand is in that part of the world people don't go to see an Orangutan in their natural habitat. They can see that shit in their backyard any day. They go to see a confined Orangutan smoking a fucking cigarette. I don't care that shit is hilarious.
Besides, who are they to take away her cigarettes anyway? If I was stuck in an Indonesian zoo I would want my cigarettes.
Now zoos in southeast Asia aren't and never have been known for their humane methods. If you walk into one, you pretty much know what you're getting into. Par for the course would be a dead hippo floating in a pool, tigers sedated with massive doses of special K and at least a few Orangutans ripping darts. What you have to understand is in that part of the world people don't go to see an Orangutan in their natural habitat. They can see that shit in their backyard any day. They go to see a confined Orangutan smoking a fucking cigarette. I don't care that shit is hilarious.
Besides, who are they to take away her cigarettes anyway? If I was stuck in an Indonesian zoo I would want my cigarettes.
Austrailian Man Hides Cash In The Oven. Wife Promptly Bakes it.
Bummer dude. That's all I can say. I guess the next time you'll think twice about storing all your cash in something that could possibly double as an incineration device. I seriously feel bad for this guy, though.
Beijing Olympic Venues In States of Decay and Disrepair
So the Olympic Games four years ago seemed pretty impressive from afar. From the Opening Ceremony to the impressive "Bird's Nest" stadium and the "Water Cube," China cut a pretty intimidating figure to the rest of the world. I know I was scared shitless.
Fast forward four years and everything has been completely abandoned and not seen one ounce of use or maintenance since 2008. Not surprising. In the past, the Olympics have been a way for countries to invest in themselves and get an economic and societal boost towards their future. For example, Barcelona '92 revitalized entire parts of the city and resulted in a resurgence of Spanish sport for some years to come. Kids were filled with pride for their nation, and new facilities gave young people better access to training and coaches. We have recently seen the results. Since 2008 Rafael Nadal has been arguably the best tennis player in the world and the national soccer team has won back-to-back EURO and a World Cup. One could argue that those things never would have happened without Barcelona '92.
It would be unfair to say that Beijing had positive effect on the people of China. But if the facilities are any indicator, the Beijing games were nothing more than an elaborate cover-up. And pretty much a waste.
Fast forward four years and everything has been completely abandoned and not seen one ounce of use or maintenance since 2008. Not surprising. In the past, the Olympics have been a way for countries to invest in themselves and get an economic and societal boost towards their future. For example, Barcelona '92 revitalized entire parts of the city and resulted in a resurgence of Spanish sport for some years to come. Kids were filled with pride for their nation, and new facilities gave young people better access to training and coaches. We have recently seen the results. Since 2008 Rafael Nadal has been arguably the best tennis player in the world and the national soccer team has won back-to-back EURO and a World Cup. One could argue that those things never would have happened without Barcelona '92.
It would be unfair to say that Beijing had positive effect on the people of China. But if the facilities are any indicator, the Beijing games were nothing more than an elaborate cover-up. And pretty much a waste.
China Already Making Excuses For Why They Won't Win As Many Medals In London As Opposed to Beijing
China has been in the media lately gloating about how many medals they won on their home turf four years ago and explaining why they won't win as many this year. See China? You see what it's like now? Heavy lies the crown, bros. Seriously high expectations are a bitch. It's something we deal with here in the United States every minute of every day. You gots to be the best or your ass is grass. So I ask you China, what have you done for me lately? Four years is ancient history ago. Skrillex didn't even exist in 2008. Get a grip.
So China makes it to the top of the mountain and what do they do? Start complaining about the expectation to do it again. Wah, wah it's so hard to win medals when we're not competing in our own shitty smog-filled cities. Seriously China, fuck off me.
So China makes it to the top of the mountain and what do they do? Start complaining about the expectation to do it again. Wah, wah it's so hard to win medals when we're not competing in our own shitty smog-filled cities. Seriously China, fuck off me.
Romey Screws Up Overseas
Well the British press is slamming Mitt Romney today for insulting the London Olympics during his visit. Prob not the best move for the next President of the United States, right? You don't say that shit. And if you do say it, you gotta stick with it. I'm a blogger I can rip on England all day, all long. But if you're going to be president you can't be pissing off our allies.
I mean these people have been freaking out about this for a decade. Throwing cruise missiles on the top of peoples houses, putting a bio-dome over London, the list goes on. They've totally lost it, bruh. Sheer madness. But you are in campaign mode. Your shit has got to be tighter than that. "Everything seems wonderful." Is that too hard to say? Imagine when you have to debate Obama on national television in America where they can vote? Disaster.
I mean these people have been freaking out about this for a decade. Throwing cruise missiles on the top of peoples houses, putting a bio-dome over London, the list goes on. They've totally lost it, bruh. Sheer madness. But you are in campaign mode. Your shit has got to be tighter than that. "Everything seems wonderful." Is that too hard to say? Imagine when you have to debate Obama on national television in America where they can vote? Disaster.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
God Damn what a Bummer: RIP Jessica Redfield
Fellow sports blogger and aspiring sportscaster Jessica Redfield was one of the victims of the tragic, meaningless events in Aurora, Colorado. I didn't know Ms. Redfield but I have read her work. She was a promising young talent. Our deepest condolences from here at The Chandelier Incident.
Fed-I Mind Tricks
Now Fowler and McEnroe and everyone were getting all over this kids nuts for catching a tennis ball that Roger Federer hit directly at him. But I'm not. I didn't see a dive. Less impressive than a high school shortstop making a diving stab and turning two. Didn't have to dive or lay out.. Didn't have to make a throw. no consequences for an error. All reward and no risk for this guy. No pressure other than the 20,000 people watching. Besides, that kid was completely under Roger's mind control of Roger Fedi Mind Tricks when he made that grab. Fed definitely made eye contact and just zapped it into his hands no sweat. Could just as easily have blasted that ball straight into his dome. Brain matter yardsale city. Federer is a Jedi and this ballboy but his apprentice.
PS- Isn't that his job? Isn't he supposed to just be snaring tennis balls barehanded all day long? Gotta be required. These ball boys got to be the best of the best. This is the semi-final of a major with two of the greatest of all time crushing right in front of you.
PPS- This jackass ballboy probably plays cricket.
RENEW THE MACHINE GUN BAN
IT WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTEREST OF PUBLIC SAFETY TO BAN THE RAPID SALE PROCEDURES OF ASSAULT GRADE MACHINE GUNS TO NON-QUALIFIED INDIVIDUALS. AS THESE ARE INSTRUMENTS OF WARFARE, NOT RECREATION AND HOBBY. WEAPONS WHICH ARE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO ADVANCE IN A COMBAT SITUATION.
THE NRA HAS CLUNG TO THE PARANOID, CONSPIRACY-RIDDEN FEAR OF A POTENTIAL OUTRIGHT COMBAT SITUATION WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT FOR MANY YEARS.
MANY WILL ARGUE THAT THE CONSTITUTION GUARANTEES THE RIGHT TO REBEL AGAINST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. AND THAT THAT RIGHT EXTENDS PRIVILEGES OF MILITARY HARDWARE TO CIVILIANS. OTHERWISE, HOW COULD A REVOLUTION BE STAGED AGAINST THE MILITARY? AND NOW THIS ALL SOUNDS VERY ACADEMIC.
AT LEAST, CANDIDATES FOR OWNERSHIP OF MACHINE GUNS MUST HAVE TO PASS THROUGH A ROBUST SCREENING FOR HANDLING, BACKGROUND AND PSYCHOLOGICAL QUALIFICATIONS. AND HAVE DEMONSTRATED A NEED FOR SUCH WEAPONS AND SIGNIFICANT PROPERTY ON WHICH TO OPERATE THEM.
GUNS REPRESENT A LARGE INDUSTRY IN THE AMERICAN ECONOMY. AND HUNTING HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CORE ELEMENT IN AMERICAN LIFE. BUT THEY AREN'T THREATENED BY KEEPING MACHINE GUNS OUT OF THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO BUSINESS HANDLING THEM. WEAPONS INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS AND ENTHUSIASTS WITH REAL RESPECT FOR THE HERITAGE AND LEGACY OF GUNS IN THIS COUNTRY SHOULD AGREE.
THE NRA HAS CLUNG TO THE PARANOID, CONSPIRACY-RIDDEN FEAR OF A POTENTIAL OUTRIGHT COMBAT SITUATION WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT FOR MANY YEARS.
MANY WILL ARGUE THAT THE CONSTITUTION GUARANTEES THE RIGHT TO REBEL AGAINST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. AND THAT THAT RIGHT EXTENDS PRIVILEGES OF MILITARY HARDWARE TO CIVILIANS. OTHERWISE, HOW COULD A REVOLUTION BE STAGED AGAINST THE MILITARY? AND NOW THIS ALL SOUNDS VERY ACADEMIC.
AT LEAST, CANDIDATES FOR OWNERSHIP OF MACHINE GUNS MUST HAVE TO PASS THROUGH A ROBUST SCREENING FOR HANDLING, BACKGROUND AND PSYCHOLOGICAL QUALIFICATIONS. AND HAVE DEMONSTRATED A NEED FOR SUCH WEAPONS AND SIGNIFICANT PROPERTY ON WHICH TO OPERATE THEM.
GUNS REPRESENT A LARGE INDUSTRY IN THE AMERICAN ECONOMY. AND HUNTING HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CORE ELEMENT IN AMERICAN LIFE. BUT THEY AREN'T THREATENED BY KEEPING MACHINE GUNS OUT OF THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO BUSINESS HANDLING THEM. WEAPONS INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS AND ENTHUSIASTS WITH REAL RESPECT FOR THE HERITAGE AND LEGACY OF GUNS IN THIS COUNTRY SHOULD AGREE.
GUNS. CLASSIC CARS.
OUR THOUGHTS HERE AT CHANDELIER INCIDENT ARE WITH THE VICTIMS OF THE TRAGEDY IN AURORA, COLORADO. WE WILL DIVERT FROM OUR NORMAL LIGHT-HEARTED, SPORTS CULTURE NARRATIVE TO EXAMINE THE ROLE OF GUNS IN OUR SOCIETY. WHICH UNFORTUNATELY IS A TIMELY TOPIC YET AGAIN.
HOLLYWOOD HAS A UNIQUE AND INFLUENTIAL ROLE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE PRO-GUN ETHOS. IN FACT, IT ALMOST MAS A MONOPOLY ON IT. NOT ONLY ARE MANY HOLLYWOOD ELITE ACTIVE MEMBERS OF SUCH ANTI GUN CRONTROL GROUPS AS THE NRA (CHARLTON HESTON WAS A PRESIDENT), BUT PRODUCTION AND DIRECTION OF FEATURE FILMS DELIBERATELY EMPHASIZES THE ROLE OF GUNS IN HEROISM. DEATH IS APPLIED TOO LIGHTLY IN MODERN CINEMATIC DRAMA.
SHOOTING A MACHINE GUN IS NOT LIKE HAVING DRIVING A CLASSIC CAR.
HOLLYWOOD HAS A UNIQUE AND INFLUENTIAL ROLE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE PRO-GUN ETHOS. IN FACT, IT ALMOST MAS A MONOPOLY ON IT. NOT ONLY ARE MANY HOLLYWOOD ELITE ACTIVE MEMBERS OF SUCH ANTI GUN CRONTROL GROUPS AS THE NRA (CHARLTON HESTON WAS A PRESIDENT), BUT PRODUCTION AND DIRECTION OF FEATURE FILMS DELIBERATELY EMPHASIZES THE ROLE OF GUNS IN HEROISM. DEATH IS APPLIED TOO LIGHTLY IN MODERN CINEMATIC DRAMA.
SHOOTING A MACHINE GUN IS NOT LIKE HAVING DRIVING A CLASSIC CAR.
I HEARD THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY....
NEWS OF A MASS SHOOTING IN AURORA, COLORADO, DURING A MIDNIGHT SCREENING OF BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, HAS BROUGHT CAUSED SHOCK AND HORROR ACROSS THE NATION.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS A HEAVILY-ARMORED MAN WEARING A GAS MASK ENTERED THROUGH AN EMERGENCY EXIT, THREW A TEAR GAS GRENADE INTO THE THEATER, AND OPENED RANDOM FIRE ON THE CROWD FROM AN ASSAULT WEAPON. THE CAUSE OF THE ATTACK IS SO FAR UNKNOWN.
THE NATION IS REELING IN A STATE OF ABSOLUTE SHOCK STILL ALMOST 48 HOURS LATER.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS A HEAVILY-ARMORED MAN WEARING A GAS MASK ENTERED THROUGH AN EMERGENCY EXIT, THREW A TEAR GAS GRENADE INTO THE THEATER, AND OPENED RANDOM FIRE ON THE CROWD FROM AN ASSAULT WEAPON. THE CAUSE OF THE ATTACK IS SO FAR UNKNOWN.
THE NATION IS REELING IN A STATE OF ABSOLUTE SHOCK STILL ALMOST 48 HOURS LATER.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)