God Damn What a Bummer: RIP Michael Clarke Duncan

Unforgettable actor.  Thanks for the fantastic performances and so much more. 

God Damn What a Bummer: RIP Neil Armstrong

PGA Championshup 1st Round

I'm Crushed for Mckeyla Maroney

Maroney said it: you don't deserve the gold medal when you fall on your ass.  Plain and simple.  She owned it.  Gotta give her credit for that.  Not her best work.  Not even close to landing it.  She's hands down the best vaulter on the planet and everyone knows it.  Just not today.  She'll be back.

The Big Engine

Usain Bolt is a freak.  Pretty much the most popular dude on the planet right now.  Crazy speed. 

McKayla Maroney's Vault was a Bomb

16.233? GTFO. That was a perfect vault.

Tweezer Reprise

Tweezer Reprise, a legendary arena rock monster by Phish was used in a montage celebrating Michael Phelps 19 Olympic medals.  For fans of the band and Mr. Phelps it was an axciting moment.   "Tweezer Reprise" was trending worldwide on Twitter.  Grace Potter tweeted about it.  Here is a performance from '95...

Man Reacts to Flood Dream by Building Noah's Arc

Get a load of this jackass just freaking out because he had a bad dream.  Everyone knows dreaming about floods and rain means you gotta take a piss and that's it. You don't need Sigmund fuckin Freud to figure that one out.  Interpretation of Dreams 101 playa.  Instead this guy goes and leaves his Wall St. job and get's his Noah on for like a year.  This could all just be a business scheme.  Like selling seats to billionaires and their families.  How many Noah's arcs can this guy waterski behind?

Michael Phelps

When pictures of Michael Phelps ripping a bong surfaced shortly after the Beijing games, many questioned the character of the young man.  Many felt the need to judge him.  I didn't because I didn't care.  He answered those critics Tuesday night by anchoring a dominant US 4x200 freestyle relay to a gold medal.  He is now the greatest Olympian of all-time.

Team USA Blows Tunisia Out of The Water

I won't even post the score for this one.  Tunisia got stomped.  At least they covered....

Happy Birthday, JG!

Today would be Jerry Garcia's 70th birthday.  So I would like to take a moment in this column to wish him a happy one.  Unfortunately, Jerry didn't live quite long enough to be here to celebrate.  August 1, Jerry's birthday, through August 9, the date Jerry died, is affectionately known by deadheads as "Jerry Week."  So today is the official beginning of Jerry week.  I usually try to vacation during this time of the year.  Shit why am I not on vacation?

A lot has been made of Jerry's inglorious final years with the Grateful Dead.  1990's Grateful Dead was not peak stuff.  So just remember the great times you had with Jerry.

West Ham Closing in on Andy Carroll

West Ham United has agreed with Liverpool on a 2m loan fee with 17m purchase option at the end of the season for striker Andy Carroll.  The player has yet to accept the move.

Lochte Bombs USA Relay

USA was hella lucky to get the silver medal given the way Lochte cracked in the last 25 meters.  Just shot the fuck off the block like a torpedo and had nothing left to finish the job.  Rookie move.  Shootin' your load in the first 15 seconds.  Gave it away to the French.

Fucking Giggs...

Scored in every EPL season since 1992.  2012 Olympics, too.  Nice goal, though.

I'm So All Over The Games of The Thirtieth Olympiad

I'm kicking these games in the teeth so far.  Hard-hitting, extensive coverage.  What should you be watching on the Olympics right now? Brazil v. Belarus men's soccer.  Great Britain v. UAE in soccer, too.  And any of the men's tennis tournament is worth watching.

Bubbles Dominates Opening Ceremonies

"Bubbles" the beloved song of West Ham United Football Club was featured prominently in the opening ceremonies of the thirtieth Olympiad.  I don't think any other clubs had a billion people hear their anthem during the Olympics.  Irons 'til I Die!

USA vs. The Surrender Monkeys (France)

Team USA opened their Olympic campaign with an easy victory over France.  The final score was 98-71.  Kevin Durant was game MVP.

Jerks at Olympics Won't Let Lochte do the Lochte

Way to rain on the parade, guys.  Give it a rest.  Haters gonna hate, Lochte gotta Lochte baby!  USA!

Two Wimbledons Are Better Than One

I was just thinking how nice it is to have two Wimbledons this year.  We are really, really, really lucky to have this. 

Roger Federer v. Alejandro Falla

Roger Federer(SUI) def. Alejandro Falla(COL) -

Berdych Upset by Darcis

Tomas Berdych lost in straight sets to Beligian Steve Darcis.  Berdych was a favorite of many to make a run to the gold medal match and possibly win the tournament.  This opens up Federer's half of the draw immensely. 

Isner, Williams Advance

Isner defeated Rochus and Williams beat Jankovic.

McHale, Harrison Eliminated

Christina McHale and Ryan Harrison were eliminated in the first round of the singles tournament. 

Indonesian Zoos are Crap

A zoo in Indonesia has sent a female Orangutan to a jungle island in the middle of a lake to get her to quit smoking.  Staff at the zoo claim she picked up the habit by picking up cigarette butts that were flicked at her. 

Now zoos in southeast Asia aren't and never have been known for their humane methods.    If you walk into one, you pretty much know what you're getting into.  Par for the course would be a dead hippo floating in a pool, tigers sedated with massive doses of special K and at least a few Orangutans ripping darts.  What you have to understand is in that part of the world people don't go to see an Orangutan in their natural habitat.  They can see that shit in their backyard any day.  They go to see a confined Orangutan smoking a fucking cigarette.  I don't care that shit is hilarious. 

Besides, who are they to take away her cigarettes anyway?  If I was stuck in an Indonesian zoo I would want my cigarettes. 

Austrailian Man Hides Cash In The Oven. Wife Promptly Bakes it.

Bummer dude.  That's all I can say.  I guess the next time you'll think twice about storing all your cash in something that could possibly double as an incineration device.  I seriously feel bad for this guy, though.

Beijing Olympic Venues In States of Decay and Disrepair

So the Olympic Games four years ago seemed pretty impressive from afar.  From the Opening Ceremony to the impressive "Bird's Nest" stadium and the "Water Cube," China cut a pretty intimidating figure to the rest of the world.  I know I was scared shitless. 

Fast forward four years and everything has been completely abandoned and not seen one ounce of use or maintenance since 2008.  Not surprising.  In the past, the Olympics have been a way for countries to invest in themselves and get an economic and societal boost towards their future.  For example, Barcelona '92 revitalized entire parts of the city and resulted in a resurgence of Spanish sport for some years to come.  Kids were filled with pride for their nation, and new facilities gave young people better access to training and coaches.  We have recently seen the results.  Since 2008 Rafael Nadal has been arguably the best tennis player in the world and the national soccer team has won back-to-back EURO and a World Cup.  One could argue that those things never would have happened without Barcelona '92. 

It would be unfair to say that Beijing had positive effect on the people of China.  But if the facilities are any indicator, the Beijing games were nothing more than an elaborate cover-up.  And pretty much a waste.

China Already Making Excuses For Why They Won't Win As Many Medals In London As Opposed to Beijing

China has been in the media lately gloating about how many medals they won on their home turf four years ago and explaining why they won't win as many this year.  See China? You see what it's like now?  Heavy lies the crown, bros. Seriously high expectations are a bitch.  It's something we deal with here in the United States every minute of every day.  You gots to be the best or your ass is grass.  So I ask you China, what have you done for me lately? Four years is ancient history ago.  Skrillex didn't even exist in 2008.  Get a grip. 

So China makes it to the top of the mountain and what do they do? Start complaining about the expectation to do it again.  Wah, wah it's so hard to win medals when we're not competing in our own shitty smog-filled cities.  Seriously China, fuck off me. 

Romey Screws Up Overseas

Well the British press is slamming Mitt Romney today for insulting the London Olympics during his visit.  Prob not the best move for the next President of the United States, right? You don't say that shit. And if you do say it, you gotta stick with it.  I'm a blogger I can rip on England all day, all long.  But if you're going to be president you can't be pissing off our allies. 

I mean these people have been freaking out about this for a decade.  Throwing cruise missiles on the top of peoples houses, putting a bio-dome over London, the list goes on.  They've totally lost it, bruh.  Sheer madness.  But you are in campaign mode.  Your shit has got to be tighter than that.  "Everything seems wonderful."  Is that too hard to say? Imagine when you have to debate Obama on national television in America where they can vote? Disaster.

God Damn what a Bummer: RIP Jessica Redfield

Fellow sports blogger and aspiring sportscaster Jessica Redfield was one of the victims of the tragic, meaningless events in Aurora, Colorado.  I didn't know Ms. Redfield but I have read her work.  She was a promising young talent.  Our deepest condolences from here at The Chandelier Incident.

Fed-I Mind Tricks

Now Fowler and McEnroe and everyone were getting all over this kids nuts for catching a tennis ball that Roger Federer hit directly at him.  But I'm not.  I didn't see a dive.  Less impressive than a high school shortstop making a diving stab and turning two.  Didn't have to dive or lay out..  Didn't have to make a throw.  no consequences for an error.  All reward and no risk for this guy.  No pressure other than the 20,000 people watching.  Besides, that kid was completely under Roger's mind control of Roger Fedi Mind Tricks when he made that grab.  Fed definitely made eye contact and just zapped it into his hands no sweat.  Could just as easily have blasted that ball straight into his dome.  Brain matter yardsale city.  Federer is a Jedi and this ballboy but his apprentice.

PS-  Isn't that his job? Isn't he supposed to just be snaring tennis balls barehanded all day long?  Gotta be required.  These ball boys got to be the best of the best.  This is the semi-final of a major with two of the greatest of all time crushing right in front of you.

PPS- This jackass ballboy probably plays cricket.

RENEW THE MACHINE GUN BAN

IT WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTEREST OF PUBLIC SAFETY TO BAN THE RAPID SALE PROCEDURES OF ASSAULT GRADE MACHINE GUNS TO NON-QUALIFIED INDIVIDUALS.  AS THESE ARE INSTRUMENTS OF WARFARE, NOT RECREATION AND HOBBY.  WEAPONS WHICH ARE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO ADVANCE IN A COMBAT SITUATION.

THE NRA HAS CLUNG TO THE PARANOID, CONSPIRACY-RIDDEN FEAR OF A POTENTIAL OUTRIGHT COMBAT SITUATION WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT FOR MANY YEARS.

MANY WILL ARGUE THAT THE CONSTITUTION GUARANTEES THE RIGHT TO REBEL AGAINST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.  AND THAT THAT RIGHT EXTENDS PRIVILEGES OF MILITARY HARDWARE TO CIVILIANS.  OTHERWISE, HOW COULD A REVOLUTION BE STAGED AGAINST THE MILITARY? AND NOW THIS ALL SOUNDS VERY ACADEMIC.

AT LEAST, CANDIDATES FOR OWNERSHIP OF MACHINE GUNS MUST HAVE TO PASS THROUGH A ROBUST SCREENING FOR HANDLING, BACKGROUND AND PSYCHOLOGICAL QUALIFICATIONS. AND HAVE DEMONSTRATED A NEED FOR SUCH WEAPONS AND SIGNIFICANT PROPERTY ON WHICH TO OPERATE THEM. 

GUNS REPRESENT A LARGE INDUSTRY IN THE AMERICAN ECONOMY.  AND HUNTING HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CORE ELEMENT IN AMERICAN LIFE.  BUT THEY AREN'T THREATENED BY KEEPING MACHINE GUNS OUT OF THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO BUSINESS HANDLING THEM.  WEAPONS INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS AND ENTHUSIASTS WITH REAL RESPECT FOR THE HERITAGE AND LEGACY OF GUNS IN THIS COUNTRY SHOULD AGREE.

GUNS. CLASSIC CARS.

OUR THOUGHTS HERE AT CHANDELIER INCIDENT ARE WITH THE VICTIMS OF THE TRAGEDY IN AURORA, COLORADO.  WE WILL DIVERT FROM OUR NORMAL LIGHT-HEARTED, SPORTS CULTURE NARRATIVE TO EXAMINE THE ROLE OF GUNS IN OUR SOCIETY.  WHICH UNFORTUNATELY IS A TIMELY TOPIC YET AGAIN. 

HOLLYWOOD HAS A UNIQUE AND INFLUENTIAL ROLE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE PRO-GUN ETHOS.  IN FACT, IT ALMOST MAS A MONOPOLY ON IT.  NOT ONLY ARE MANY HOLLYWOOD ELITE ACTIVE MEMBERS OF SUCH ANTI GUN CRONTROL GROUPS AS THE NRA (CHARLTON HESTON WAS A PRESIDENT), BUT PRODUCTION AND DIRECTION OF FEATURE FILMS DELIBERATELY EMPHASIZES THE ROLE OF GUNS IN HEROISM.  DEATH IS APPLIED TOO LIGHTLY IN MODERN CINEMATIC DRAMA.

SHOOTING A MACHINE GUN IS NOT LIKE HAVING DRIVING A CLASSIC CAR.

I HEARD THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY....

NEWS OF A MASS SHOOTING IN AURORA, COLORADO, DURING A MIDNIGHT SCREENING OF BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, HAS BROUGHT CAUSED SHOCK AND HORROR ACROSS THE NATION.

ACCORDING TO REPORTS A HEAVILY-ARMORED MAN WEARING A GAS MASK ENTERED THROUGH AN EMERGENCY EXIT, THREW A TEAR GAS GRENADE INTO THE THEATER, AND OPENED RANDOM FIRE ON THE CROWD FROM AN ASSAULT WEAPON.  THE CAUSE OF THE ATTACK IS SO FAR UNKNOWN. 

THE NATION IS REELING IN A STATE OF ABSOLUTE SHOCK STILL ALMOST 48 HOURS LATER.

FEDERER THE KING

Snoop Dogg caught with dope in Norway

NOTE: What makes this funny is that Wiz Khalifa has been tweeting out pictures of the dro that he got in Norway.  Otherwise Snoop Dogg getting busted for weed is like Wall Street getting busted for defrauding their own clients, rigging bids on public financing schemes, and destroying the financial system with risky bets using money they didn't have.

Note: At press time it was unclear the number of current prosecutions regarding crimes of high finance.  None were confirmed.

Wimbledon: Day 5

Novak Djokovic advanced in four sets over Radek Stephanek. 

Wimbledon: Day 4

Rafael Nadal crouches after going down 3-1 in the fifth set.

 Rafael Nadal lost.  Andy Murray won.

Euro 2012 Semifinals: Italy 2 - 1 Germany

Mario Belotelli celebrates after scoring with Riccardo Montolivo.

Italy eliminated Germany after a dominating 90 minutes.  Mario Balotelli connected on two superb strikes early in the first half and was clearly man of the match.  The final between Spain and Italy is a re-match of their 1-1 group stage draw and will be contested on Sunday.

Rafael Nadal Out in Second Round at Wimbledon

Rafael Nadal had no answers for the powerful game of Lukas Rosol

The tennis world was shocked yesterday by what was possibly the greatest upset in the history of The Championships.  Lukas Rosol defeated Rafael Nadal in five sets.  6-7(9-11), 6-4, 6-4, 2-6, 6-4.

This says less about Rafa than it does about the near-impossible task of winning both Roland Garros and Wimbledon in the same year.  In fact, only Nadal, Federer and Bjorg have done it. 

Nadal will return to the All-England club later this summer for the London Olympic games. 

Portugal vs. Spain was nearly unwatchable

In an earlier post I said that Portugal - Spain would be an interesting match-up and I was wrong.  Guys going down like corpses all over the field.  Not cool to watch.  I'm disappointed. 

Women of Wimbledon: Miss Julia Georges

Julia Georges.  She's German.

Women of Wimbledon: Miss Tamira Paszek

Tamira Paszek.  21 years-old from Austria.  I absolutely am in love with her forehand and her dark features.  I thought she was Italian at first but her mom's Chilean.  So into her right now.  Just beat Wozniaki in a high-quality and entertaining match in which she hit 54 winners.  She moves well, hits the ball fucking hard and is brimming with confidence after winning at Eastbourne last week.  Doesn't screech like a hyena after every swing.  Fought off three match points in the second set.  5-7 7-6 6-4.  Congratuations to her.

The Women of Wimbledon

Maria Sharapova

Seeing Arantxa Rus this morning made it imperative to begin a Women of Wimbledon series.  I should also point out these ladies all look better wearing all white.  Kind of like they're all debutantes at a Cotillion.  And Wimblesdon is the only tournament that does that.  Combine that with sports bras which are my kryptonite and I'm dead in the water.  So let's strike the hammer while the irons is hot, as they say. 

It's a sport of inverse relationships between distance in the actual tournament and hotness (with the exception of Sharapova) of the players.  There are very few freaks of tennis AND hotness.  Very few.  So I'm thinking this thing will pretty much fizzle out after the first couple of rounds and then Sharapova will ride us out the rest of the way.

Australian Swimmer in Hot Water Because of this Twitter Picture

Australian gold-medal swimmer Stephanie Rice tweeted this photo of herself to her followers.

I got no problem with this.  No problem at all. 

Untitled blog post

"last talent might be nsfw. lol has to do with water and t-shirts. :)" -Kate Upton

 We can only hope this is the beginning of a long line of NSFW material from Kate.

http://www.kateuptonweb.com/blog/the-many-talents-of-kate-upton-by-terry-richardson

Wimbledon: Day 3

Roger Feder advanced easily over Fabio Fognini 6-1, 6-3, 6-4.  Prince Charles was in attendance in the Royal Box.  Really nothing more than a few heavy-hitting practice sets for the six-time champ.  Fognini was spraying low-percentage shots from the first game to the last.

It has been a favorable draw so far for Federer.  Verdasco looms as a potential threat in the round of 16 to win one or two sets from Roger, or maybe even win.  Verdasco beat Rafael Nadal in Madrid on the blue stuff in May. Other than that Janko Tipsarevic is the only other player in Fed's section with a realistic chance at disrupting his run to the semifinals.

Novak Djokovic wasn't challenged by American Ryan Harrison who played well, but didn't have enough to trouble the world No. 1 player.  Harrison will represent the USA at the London Olympic games being held at the All England Club.  

The women's half of the draw featured two major upsets on day three.  Arantxa Rus defeated Sam Stosur in three sets.  In perhaps the most entertaining match of the day Tamira Paszek defeated seven-seeded Caroline Wozniaki 5-7, 7-6, 6-4.  The 21 year-old Austrian saved three match points in the second set and hit convincing winners off the forehand and the backhand to win the three-plus hour affair.

Wimbledon: Day 2

Rafael Nadal advanced.  Del Potro won in five sets.  Serena Williams was melodramatic.  Not much else worth talking about.

Wimbledon: Day 1

The Championships got underway today with Roger Federer cruising and an interesting match between Falla of Colombia and American John Isner. Falla prevailed in five sets.  American hopes were high for Isner.

Federer defeated young spanish southpaw Ramos 6-1, 6-1, 6-1.  Federer dominated an inferior opponent, which hasn't been a routine recently.  It is important for Federer to conserve energy in the early rounds.  He's still getting to the semis of majors, but it's taking him a couple of 5-set matches to get there.  While Nadal and Djokovic cruise easily and stay rested for the business end of the tournament.  In his recent losses in major semifinals Federer has been tired.  A well-rested Federer can still beat Nadal and Djokovic on a given day, but not if he has to go five brutal sets against lesser opponents in the draw.   The biggest flaw with Federers game over the last three years hasn't been his inability to beat Nadal and Djokovic, but instead his lack of dominance over players ranked outside of the top 20 leaving him vulnerable to the fantastic tennis that djokovic and nadal can produce. 

Defending champion and world Novak Djokovic beat Juan Carlos Ferrero easily. 

French Open Champion Maria Sharapova advanced.

Venus Williams defeated in straight sets.

Tomorrows matches include second-seeded Rafael Nadal and Scotsman Andy Murray carrying the hopes of the UK.

EURO 2012: Semifinals

Cristiano Ronaldo has been in form during EURO 2012.  Which could mean big problems for Spain.

Germany should beat Italy.  Portugal-Spain should be an interesting match.

Aranxta Rus...She's Dutch or Something

Just met this girl.  And by "met" I mean "pre-jizzed myself when I saw her on TV."  Never heard of her before today.  She just advanced to the third round of Wimbledon over Sam "Schwarzenegger" Stosur.  So congratulations to her on that and being extremely hot.  All sorts of talent.  And if you look at the pictures this is as real as it gets.  No make up.  Domination in the smile, eyes, and hair departments and whatever other categories you're into.  In terms of hotness this girl eats Sharapova for breakfast. She's also not like 6 feet 4 inches tall.